Saturday, April 21, 2012
Tired
One gets tired with OCD. Not exactly physically tired, but exhausted...emotionally? You get tired of the endless thoughts ricocheting across the side of your skull. They trap you in a continuous cycle of "what if's" and "maybe if I...". It gets redundant to perform a habit over, and over, and over again, but you can't stop yourself from doing so. Thinking gets exhausting. And not headaches, or just becoming unfocused after thinking for awhile, I mean you get so tired. You just want a break from all the analysis and the constant "reminders" to perform a habit. Even as I'm typing this I have to involuntarily erase entire words numerous times because my OCD forces me too. A moment of peace, from myself, is all I ask for sometimes, and I'm sure that's what some others want as well. A little nap of sorts is all...
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Introduction
I have OCD.
Some people know what this means, others don't, most however, associate OCD with this idea of someone who is overly organized, or terrified of germs. However, OCD comes in many forms. There is checking OCD, organizing OCD, germaphobic OCD, religious-based OCD, and some others. OCD basically, is a condition where one has bothersome habits that are used to avoid some irrational event or consequence. It can't be explained simply...I've known about mine for 6-7 years now and I still can't explain it perfectly. But it's this idea that a habit is necessary, or something bad will occurr. It sounds crazy, and those with OCD sometimes feel crazy because of it. Most people want some organization in their life, and most people prefer that the house is clean; someone with OCD does these things, not because they like cleanliness, but because they thrive on it. Without that sense of organization, without that habit to scrub the floor again, they feel lost in their thoughts, trapped by the clawing idea that something horrific will happen at their hands.
I won't go too deep into my personal OCD at this time, but I have a combination of a few of the different types. I have checking and religious-based OCD the greatest. But I also have some cases of the other types, like germaphobia, or organizing (especially with symmetry at times). I found out I have OCD in sixth grade, but I have always been a "worry-wart", going through childhood with countless irrational fears. Then in my life as a young adult, more grownup fears plagued my mind. It leaves you sleepless, tearful, tired, stressed, and sometimes wishing for the wheels to stop turning in your mind long enough to take a breath without having to walk a certain way on the sidewalk, or without continuously typing the wall, and counting in your mind. All of these things are examples of what someone with OCD feels and performs during the day. It gets tiresome, embarrassing, confusing, irrational, annoying, strenuous. It bothers you every day of your life, takes you to places of pointless depression.
And that is why I was inspired to make this blog. To finally talk about OCD. To create an outlet for myself, and hopefully an idea of what OCD to those who don't have it, and a familiar friend to those who do.
Some people know what this means, others don't, most however, associate OCD with this idea of someone who is overly organized, or terrified of germs. However, OCD comes in many forms. There is checking OCD, organizing OCD, germaphobic OCD, religious-based OCD, and some others. OCD basically, is a condition where one has bothersome habits that are used to avoid some irrational event or consequence. It can't be explained simply...I've known about mine for 6-7 years now and I still can't explain it perfectly. But it's this idea that a habit is necessary, or something bad will occurr. It sounds crazy, and those with OCD sometimes feel crazy because of it. Most people want some organization in their life, and most people prefer that the house is clean; someone with OCD does these things, not because they like cleanliness, but because they thrive on it. Without that sense of organization, without that habit to scrub the floor again, they feel lost in their thoughts, trapped by the clawing idea that something horrific will happen at their hands.
I won't go too deep into my personal OCD at this time, but I have a combination of a few of the different types. I have checking and religious-based OCD the greatest. But I also have some cases of the other types, like germaphobia, or organizing (especially with symmetry at times). I found out I have OCD in sixth grade, but I have always been a "worry-wart", going through childhood with countless irrational fears. Then in my life as a young adult, more grownup fears plagued my mind. It leaves you sleepless, tearful, tired, stressed, and sometimes wishing for the wheels to stop turning in your mind long enough to take a breath without having to walk a certain way on the sidewalk, or without continuously typing the wall, and counting in your mind. All of these things are examples of what someone with OCD feels and performs during the day. It gets tiresome, embarrassing, confusing, irrational, annoying, strenuous. It bothers you every day of your life, takes you to places of pointless depression.
And that is why I was inspired to make this blog. To finally talk about OCD. To create an outlet for myself, and hopefully an idea of what OCD to those who don't have it, and a familiar friend to those who do.
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